NYC Comic-Con 2008 PART 1

Whew, that was an exhausting weekend. I spent it braving the geek masses to buy action figures, seeing top-secret movie footage before anyone else so I could brag about it and feel superior, and trying not to get cut by all the ridiculously large-ass swords that the anime geeks feel compelled to bring with them everywhere. Welcome to Comic-Con.

So here's how it's going to go. I took a lot of pictures this past weekend of a lot of stuff (Click on any of them to make them huge). So I'm going to try to post them here and make snarky comments in order to build my blog-cred. So please, follow me on a visual journey of the East Coast's largest gathering of basement-dwelling virgins.


Oh yeah, not only was the 18th the start of Con, but it was also my birthday (let's just say I turned 19). Meryl got me a kick-ass Batman statue, possibly in an attempt to quench my desire for Batman collectibles. If she only knew.







Here's the entrance to the Con. I have no idea what "Ben-10" is, but apparently it's important enough to have earned a place on the entrance banner. This will not mark the last time I am confronted with something that I cannot identify. Oh no.





Okay, now for what we all came for - toys!







Here's some Hellboy 2 stuff. You'll notice that Hellboy is smoking a cigar. You know, for the kids. Also, this movie is called Hellboy 2. For the kids.






Iron Man! Hasbro continues the time-honored and mind-boggingly stupid tradition of releasing 10 versions of the same character but with wacky paint jobs. That guy on the left is "Captain America Armor Iron Man." Really? So Iron Man is trying to, what, disguise himself as Captain America to get the military discount at the barber shop? Personally I'd think about taking the iron suit off but what do I know, I'm not an alcoholic billionaire.




Here's Iron Man's car. Yeah that's right, Iron Man drives around in a car. With his name on it. Lord knows that even though he can go faster than the speed of sound with his rocket-boots, when Iron Man needs to go to the drugstore to buy toothpaste nothing beats a Ford!

I painted JOE on the side of my car one summer. You know, so people would know that I was Joe. It was an uneventful time in my life.







Hey look, Hulk toys! That look exactly like the Hulk toys from the 2003 movie! But let's all just forget about that ...







...because here's some MORE Hulk toys! That don't have anything to do with either movie! But they'll be on shelves at the same time! So go see the movie, buy the toys, then forget about the movie and the toys you just bought and go out and buy some MORE toys that have nothing to do with the movie! Even though it's the same character! Yay capitalism!





These are apparently costumes worn by members of some Japanese boy band called "Abingdon Boys School." I have no idea what they were doing there. Nor do I have any idea why Japanese boy bands like to dress up like gay Scottish pirates.

The real reason I decided to take a picture of this was because it was so...small. Japanese people are, well, tiny. To give you an idea of just how tiny, this entire display to the left was in a display box being carried around the floor by Gary Coleman.









Here's some guy drawing something on the floor.








And here's that same guy 24 hours later. I believe that's Captain America, looking very pissed off because he just got his Amex statement and somebody has been charging Turtle Wax to his card. I'm looking at you, Captain-America-Armor-Iron-Man.














This thing stole my wallet.








Here's Meryl, looking rather fetching as Bill Plympton writes a song about her in the background. It goes on for 20 minutes and is interrupted 3 times by a bear showing a hamburger the best way to commit suicide.








It wouldn't be a Con without the geeks who express their individuality by dressing up as Stormtroopers.








Hey look! Batman movie toys that don't completely suck!










Um, nevermind.





Ah, this is where the fun begins.





This is Wonder Woman. If she lived in a trailer park and had Type II Diabetes.











This is Princess Leia. If she were played by a cross between Kate Bosworth and a microphone stand.











This is Princess Leia if she wandered into a funhouse and decided that she could totally pull off the bikini after looking at herself in one of the skinny mirrors.












This is Princess Leia if she joined a sorority freshmen year but held onto that freshmen-15 until graduation.










This is Rainbow-Brite if she grew up and became a Japanese prostitute. Really though, was there ever any other career path for her?








This is Gwen Stacy if her brother somehow convinced her to dress up like a go go dancer and come with him to Comic-Con so he could pretend she was his girlfriend. I actually talked to this one. She had no idea what was going on.








This is Zatanna and Power Girl if they just stopped giving a crap and started hanging out at lesbian bars.








That'll do it for this edition, but be sure to come back tomorrow. There's lots, LOTS more to go over. I don't know how many parts this recap will end up being, but figure somewhere between 3 to 158. Part 2 starts tomorrow!